Somebody Used To Know

Now and then I think of
when we were together
Like when you said
you felt so happy you could die


I told myself that you were right for me
But felt so lonely in your company
But that was love and it's an ache I still remember


You can get addicted to a certain kind of sadness
Like resignation to the end
Always the end
So when we found that we could not make sense


Well you said that we would still be friends
But I'll admit that I was glad that it was over
But you didn't have to cut me off
Make out like it never happened
And that we were nothing
And I don't even need your love
But you treat me like a stranger
And that feels so rough


No you didn't have to stop so low
You have your friends collect your records
And then change your number
I guess that I don't need that though


Now you're just somebody that I used to know


Now and then I think of all the times you screwed me over
But had me believing it was always something that I'd done
But I don't wanna live that way
Reading into every word you say
You said that you could let it go
And I wouldn't catch you hung up


on somebody that you used to know

Story of The Pencil and The Eraser...

Pencil : You know,I'm really sorry.

Eraser : Sorry for what? You didn't do anything wrong!


Pencil : Well,every time when i make mistake,you will be there to erase my mistake. But, as time pass by, 


part of you are gone.


Eraser : You see,I'm made to do this. Even though i know one of these day I'll b gone,and you have to 


replace me with another.I'm still happy to do this job.So don't b sad! It worries me!

as the eraser know his job, to help his friend, pencil, whenever the pencil made mistakes

eraser always be there to erase his mistakes. i'm touched with eraser's answer.

"you"...

i hope you know that i won't let you alone.

you always make me worried of you.

you like to make me worry, aren't you?

you always test my love towards you.

you loved to do that.

i don't know how to answer your question because i can't explain the answer in words.

but, you never satisfied.

you always makes me worried...

i don't know why.

should i stayed in front of you to ensure that you'll see me?

please "you"...

don't make me worried.

don't make me feel uneasy.

don't make me feel bad.

don't make me be not me.


are you happy seeing me like this ??

tell me "you"...

argh!!

you drive me crazy...

VERY CRAZY!!!


i have never been this crazy for a long time "you"


NEVER

Don’t Make Me SAD, PLEASE!

You,

I can’t stop thinking about you.

Your face always came to my mind.

Your name always whisper into my ears.

My mama always mentioned your name.

She asked me about you.

How are you?

Are you going home?

How’s your study?

And i have to answer all of that.

I’m very glad to answer her questions

But then your words remind me.

Is it my fault for caring you so much?

Is it my mistake for loving you very much?

You,

A couple days ago

I saw you and i’m very pleased to see your smile

However,

My heart could not stand for the pain.

The tenderness of my heart kept hurting me!

I’m happy but hurt while looking at your smile.

That’s why i kept avoiding you when we met.

It’s not because i won’t see you

And it’s not because i hate you

But it’s all because i love you so much.

I wanted to see you happy but the pain is killing me inside.

So, please tell me dear

What am i going to do?

What should i do?

Tell me!

What’s the right thing to do?

Don’t tell me that it’s all up to me.

I hate that answer!

Please dear!

It just makes thing worse.

Unfortunately,

I saw you gloomy face

And it’s really KILLING ME INSIDE!

Please you.

Don’t be SAD!

Please, I BEG YOU!

Ya Allah.

Please sooth “the person’s” feeling

And let “the person’s” life happy and blessed.

I love “the person” so much but i know YOU loved “the person” MORE rather than i.

So please...

I beg YOU

Please make “the person” cheerful and blissful always.

“the person’s” life is very pure and honest

And “the person” deserves it.

Please Allah.

I BEG YOU!

BLESSED “the person’s life”.

I Love You, “You”.

You,

You would never know how much i love you.

You were saying that if i’m happy by avoiding you

You will be okay with that.

You,

You will never know how hard my heart to do that.

You will never know how hurt my heart is.

It’s difficult for me, honestly.

You,

I have learnt to give love for everybody

I would never keep it for myself,

But when you question my love

I felt very hurt.

You,

I love you damn much.

Why you could never understand me?!

Ya Allah The Almighty,

I beg YOU to let “the person” knows my feeling

It’s hard for me to hide my true feeling

It’s hard to ignore “the person” in front of my eyes

It’s killing me inside!

You,

I wanted to be with you

But my presence only cause you feel uncomfortable

So, i decided to get away from you

So that it’ll be the best for you

But then you “pleasure” my action.

I’m confused.

Ya Allah,

Is it the best thing i can do for “the person”?

Ya Allah,

Please help me.

YOU are the ONE i can count to.

YOU are the best HELPER i have.

You,

Please... i love you so much.

Please don’t question my love towards you.

You have did before and i’m deeply hurt.

It took some time to recover, dear.

You never know that, don’t you?

You,

You would never know that.

I’m really content when i’m with you.

I believe the moment i spent with you was the best moment i ever had.

You,

Please trust me.

Everything i did was just for you.

Doesn't need to repay.

Because,

I love you so much.

Because,

I love you just the way you are.

I'M HOLDING BACK FOR YOUR OWN SAKE.

i haven't see "that person" today.
still,
that's make me felt nothing.

i wanted to see "that person" so badly
but my heart said NO!

unexpectedly,
i saw "that's person's" face but i'm holding back my feeling.
i ran away from "that person" because i didn't wanted to hear any voice from"that person".

my heart suffered but for "that person" own sake
i avoid from being close to "that person"...

honestly,
deep inside my heart
i really wanted to see  "that person"...
damn badly.

i missed  "that person" very bad.
but,
i won't hear something "harsh" from  "that person"'s mouth either.

Ya Allah,
i'm too weak for this.
 "that person" had done many things to me
but  "that person" never realized it.
please, at least let  "that person" realized how much i loved  "that person"...

just now,
i met  "that person" unexpectedly when i wanted to talk to my sisters.
 "that person" came and i hold my feet back.

i hate being hypocrite to myself.
i missed  "that person" but had to avoid from  "that person" at the same time.
pffh!!!
enough with the feelings thing!!

time to sleep.
kbai.

A Lazy Day

yeah! yeah! yeah!
today is lazy day when it is MONDAY!
many things did not happened today.
watdehec! haha...
no la..
we got nothing to do today.
just reading newspaper, compiled the BIG's report, and present about the Linguistics.
else, we just prepared for tomorrow's presentation about Literature.
the rest is nothing.
hm...
what else a...
oya, i can't see "the Person's" face today.
i felt very sad... dunno why.
just i don't like to see that face.

that's the end of the story.
got something to do now.
kbai.

[feels like this post has nothing interesting!]

Hatred In My Heart

Today is 13th of April 2012

dunno why,

my heart suddenly felt hatred.

i hatred of something that suddenly destroyed my mood.

it's normal when we loved someone and he/she doesn't know our feeling.

it's consider normal.

in some cases where we loved someone and he/she knows about it

he/she just ignore our feeling

also consider as normal.

while in some cases where someone loves us and we also love him/her

[kiranya both side love each other la nee...]

we care of them.

sadly, they just feel nothing.

although we're seriously care for them

not only for a moment but for the rest of their life until hereafter.

is it normal yet?

dush!!

i'm tired of thinking.

my mind is elsewhere already.

why is it so hard for this "lovely person" to understand that i wanted the best for you.

you always blamed me.

even for a simple thing.

everything that happened in your daily life,

even it's nothing to bring out

you still wanted to condemn.

what for?

is it for your satisfaction?

or just you who are really "cared" of your environment?

dear "friend",

please grow up!

you're not child anymore.

you've your own responsibility already.

you're big person.

a grown up person.

already became an adult.

sadly, your mind was still in middle school.

you can't think beyond of your mind.

i dunno what should i say about you now.

i'm afraid if you've lost your track.

i've tried to hold your hand but you refused.

hello!

i'm trying to help you!

why you make it complicated for both of us?

please,

i won't see anything bad about you.

i'm trying to help you here.

please help me to help you, "friend".

J**e, we met again.

hi J**e,
long tym i didnt c u.
how r u?
hows ur life?

i hope everything is fine. =)
well, i heard that ur life is getting better n happier.
hope it will last forever.
i hope u'll happy wit ur life now.
i will pray for ur good.

meeting u unexpectedly is not what i expected.
haha...well,
u're still remain the same.
i think it's just u... J**e. =)

I Heart You.

yeay!
hari ni dapat jumpa 'dia' lagi...
walaupun seketika cuma tapi itu pun kira ok la suda.
yang penting dapat tengok 'dia' sihat n happy selalu.
[macam lama nda jumpa ja gaya orang ni... huu. padahal hampir setiap hari jumpa]

ndapala,
aku da anggap 'dia' macam family aku sendiri...
jd, aku sayang 'dia' macam aku sayang family aku la jugak.. ngee.
apapun, aku sayang 'dia' kerana Allah.

aku besyukur sebab Allah temukan aku dengan 'dia'
walaupun pada mulanya tu
kami ada perselisihan faham
tapi bagi aku semua tu ada hikmah disebaliknya.

aku ingat lagi bila 'dia' datang jumpa aku di kafe.
waktu tu aku ada diskusi ngan c Bongsu.
diskusi yang sangat penting sebab melibatkan adik2 yang aku sayang.

dia datang n tanya samada aku marah ngan 'dia' n kawan 'dia'.
aku just menafikan benda tu sebab aku da fedup pikir pasal benda yang da lepas.
tp dia yg insist mau tau feeling aku.
then, di situlah terkeluarnya kata2 yang aku sayang ngan 'dia' n kawan 'dia' tu.
stat dari situla 'dia' makin baik sikit... n hubungan kami kira ok.
walaupun ndala macam sebelum tu.
ada dingin sikit.

ok! enuf wit that flash back.

sekarang ni aku try untuk bagi perhatian yang sama untuk semua adik2 aku.
no more no less, but still inequality happened.
only a little more to some people. hee

apa pun,
i'm happy seeing them happy.
only if they sad... i'll try to sooth them.
seeing them shed a tear could make my world disappear.
if there r many tears? how come?
i'll b beside them alto they don't need me.
cause that's the only thing i can do for them.

i won't let them feel alone
because there r many people who loved and cared for them.

hurm...
a lot of mumbling there.
apapun, aku just harap 'dia' akan gembira selalu.
gembira dengan kehidupan 'dia' dengan kawan2 'dia' di sana.
only when 'you' need me,
i'll b there for 'you'...

B...
please take good care of yourself k...
i know you r strong and you can handle many things on your own.
but please... if u need me,
just call my name and i'll come right for you.

till then,
i heart you, B.

Hamba Dunia? Ya. Itu Aku.

"Maka celakalah orang yang menjadi hamba kepada dunia"

aku akui aku pernah menjadi hamba dunia.
ONCE.

ayat ini aku dengar ketika mengikuti tazkirah maghrib ustaz Rusli di Masjid Jamek IPGKK tadi.
ayat yang betul2 buat hatiku TERSENTAP.
dalam banyak2 isi yang ustaz katakan tadi, ayat itu betul2 menikam hati.

ya,
aku pernah menjadi hamba dunia...dulu.
aku menjadi hamba dunia ketika zaman kejahilan aku sendiri.
mujur, masa mematangkan aku (dengan izin Allah).
DIA telah membuka mata hati aku untuk mula menilai mana yang baik dan mana yang kurang baik.
Alhamdulillah.
syukur Ya Allah, kerana rasa kasih dan sayangMU kepadaku...
hati yang keras ini telah mula menjadi lembut.
semuanya kerana dengan belas ihsanMU jua Ya Allah.

aku cuba untuk melembutkan hati ini sebagaimana asalnya dahulu.
hati yang KAU anugerahkan untukku sebelum aku lahir ke duniaMU.
hati yang peka terhadap sekeliling dan patuh mendengar suaraMU.
hati yang lembut dan taat pada seruanMU.

Ya Allah,
aku mohon padaMU Ya Rabb.
janganlah ENGKAU pesongkan hatiku setelah ENGKAU berikan petunjuk dan hidayahMU Ya Rahman.
sesungguhnya, aku hambaMU yang lemah dan mudah jatuh tanpa ihsanMU, Ya Allah.
dan aku mohon padaMU Ya Allah,
eratkanlah hatiku dan hati adik2 dan sahabat2 perjuanganku Ya Allah.
eratkanlah hati kami dalam berjuang dan berjalan di jalanMU Ya Rabb.
sesungguhnya, ENGKAUlah pemilik kepada hati2 kami Ya Rahman. amin...amin...amin Ya Allah.

setelah tazkirah ustaz Rusli tadi, pengisian ketika BUGEM juga menyentap hati aku.
Allah Maha Besar Maha Mengetahui akan tiap2 sesuatu yang tidak hambaNYA ketahui melainkan dengan izinNYA.
surah Al-Ikhlas yang sering aku baca ketika solat punya maksud yang tersurat dan tersirat.
bukan maksudnya aku tidak pernah mengetahui akan maksud ayat2 dalam surah tu... aku tau.

"katakanlah wahai Muhammad, bahawa Dialah Allah, Yang Maha Esa. Allah tempat untuk meminta segala sesuatu. DIA (Allah) yang tidak beranak dan diperanakkan. dan tiada sesuatu yang setara dengan DIA."

aku tahu tu. cuma aku nda pernah pun hayati maksud ayat2 tu secara lebih mendalam.

jujur. aku akui...

surah Al-Ikhlas telah menjawab persoalan aku di entri sebelum ini. A Letter For You.

terima kasih Ya Allah Ya Rabb.

ampunkanlah segala salah dan silapku,

ampunkanlah keterlanjuranku dalam kata2 dan penulisanku Ya Rahman.

sungguh, aku hambaMU yang selalu khilaf dan menzalimi diriku sendiri.

Ya Allah,

jika aku tersasar,

sedarkanlah aku dengan kasih sayangMU.

jika aku terlalai,

ingatkanlah aku dengan teguranMU.

hatiku takut berada di lautan dosa Ya Allah.

sedangkan harapanku ada keredhaanMu jua Ya Rabb.

bantulah aku Ya Allah, Ya Rabb, Ya Rahman.

amin... amin... amin... Ya Allah.

buat dirimu yang dikasihi selalu.

aku tidak akan menghapuskan perasaanku terhadapmu

tetapi,

perasaan itu akan aku gunakan sebagai kekuatan untukku.

kekuatan untuk tidak terlalu leka dan hanyut kerana menyayangi dan merinduimu selalu.

aku akan selalu doakan kebahagiaanmu.

semoga bahagia selalu, ya. =)

A Letter For You.

kehadapan dirimu yang disayangi,


warkah ini aku tulis kerana aku tidak mampu untuk mengungkapkan betapa aku terlalu merindui dirimu.
walau dirimu sangat dekat, namun aku rasakan kau jauh dariku.
aku sendiri tidak mengerti akan perasaan ini.
aku punya ramai insan yang aku sayangi di dunia ni.
tapi, kenapa dirimu boleh mendapat tempat istimewa di hati ini?


aku ingin menyayangi dirimu sebagaimana aku menyayangi sahabat2ku, adik2ku, dan rakan2 seperjuanganku.
tapi, hatiku membisikkan bahawa perkara itu sangat mustahil untuknya kerana dia telah menyayangimu seperti aku menyayangi keluarga dan insan2 istimewa dalam hidupku.
entah kenapa, aku sendiri tidak mengerti.


pernah suatu ketika, hatiku membisikkan sesuatu yang tidak pernah aku jangka selama ini.
hatiku mendambakan kehadiran'mu'.
kenapa perlu 'kamu' yang dicari?
kenapa bukan insan2 istimewa yang aku sayang?
aku fedup dengan hati apabila dia menginginkan perkara yang aku sendiri tidak mampu untuk lakukan.


permintaan hati itu aku biarkan sepi.
aku bertanya kepada akalku...
kenapa hati boleh sampai ke tahap itu?
kemudian akalku menjawab,
kerana dia ingin menambah perasaan sayang dalam hatimu.
pelik? kenapa perlu aku menambah perasaan sayang?
memoriku tiba2 mencelah.
kerana kau selalu menggunakan aku untuk mengingati semua perkara yang 'dia' pernah lakukan.
kau menggunakan aku untuk mengimbas kembali semua perkara yang berkaitan 'dirinya'.

aku terdiam sendiri.
benarkah begitu? aku sendiri yang menyebabkan hatiku bertindak sedemikian rupa.
apabila aku cuba untuk mengingat kembali apa yang pernah aku lakukan,
memang benar... aku selalu menantikan kehadiranmu di hadapanku.
sekalipun aku merindui dirimu, dengan melihatmu sekali sudah memadai.

kenapa kau memberi aku kesan sebegitu rupa?
kenapa?!
apa keistimewaan dirimu sehingga kau boleh menjadikan hati aku begini?

kak auni,

kenapa am boleh jadi macam ni?

kenapa am mudah untuk sayang orang lain?

kenapa am senang untuk menyayangi orang yang baru am kenali?

jawablah kak!

jangan biar am sakit menanggung persoalan ni.

tolonglah jawab bagi pihak am.

kak auni yang ajar am untuk selalu sayang dengan orang lain.

walaupun orang tu pernah sakitkan hati kita,

tapi kak auni yang ajar untuk tetap sayang dengan orang tu.

kenapa perlu buat macam tu?

kalau orang tu sudah menyakitkan hati kita, kenapa perlu kita sayang dengan dia?

kenapa kak auni baik sangat dengan orang?

kenapa kak auni tinggalkan perasaan tu untuk am?

kak auni sendiri tau yang am bukanlah jenis yang mudah untuk sayang orang yang baru dikenali.

am bukan manusia yang mudah untuk berikan tempat untuk orang lain dalam hati am.

hati am hanya untuk keluarga kita.

jawablah kak! tolonglah! am merayu.

perasaan sayang yang terlalu menyayangi ini kak auni tinggalkan untuk apa?

apa sebabnya kak?

kak tau, sekarang bahawa bukan mudah untuk am ungkapkan rindu am untuk kakak.

payah kak. am sendiri terseksa dengan perasaan am sendiri.

kemudian kak tinggalkan perasaan tu dengan am begitu ja.

macam mana am mau uruskan perasaan tu kak?

kak auni, tolonglah jawab. am penat kak.

penat sebab hati ni tidak pernah berhenti untuk menyayangi.

kalau setakat sayang sayang ndapa,

tp ini "terlalu sayang" kak... dan dia tidak pernah berhenti di situ.

dia semakin bertambah dan bertambah.

kalau perasaan tu solid,

hati am pasti berderai kak.

sebab dia ndakan mampu untuk tampung perasaan yang terlalu besar.

kak auni,

andai perasaan sayang ini am buang... bolehkah?

entahlah,
aku kadang2 berfikir sendiri.
adakah kau mengetahui perasaan aku?
atau langsung tidak menyedari betapa beratnya perasaan sayang ini terhadap dirimu yang perlu aku tanggung setiap hari.
kalau kau ingin tahu,
perasaan sayang aku terhadap kau semakin bertambah dari hari ke hari.
wajah, kelakuan dan kata2mu terus melekat dalam hati ini.
segala yang kau lakukan telah membuatkan hati ini semakin menyayangi dirimu.

takpalah.
aku akan simpan perasaan ini sehingga ke akhir hayat aku.
tidak perlu untuk kau tahu semuanya.
cukuplah kau tahu...
aku sayang kau kerana Allah...