Time, Please Be Friend With Me.

"time please be friend with me...i wanted make it started again.."

i don't know how this came out of my mind.
suddenly, i remind of the people i've hurt.
that's not a good feeling.
it suddenly re-flash in my mind when i was walking alone.
kinda normal for a human being, isn't?
well, i can't stopped it once they're recall.
sometimes it's help me a lot...
sometimes it's ruined my day...
it depends on which way i looked on it.
either positive or negative way.

hurt someone's feeling doesn't makes me feel better.
although they're my enemies,
people that i can't get along in my life.
no such thing like that.
even my family...
i love them very much.
but i do hurt them again and again.
what kind of daughter i am?
i'm not asking u,
it's my question to my self.

i'm almost ruined everything.
'thing' that my family had done...
'thing' they sacrificed for me...
'thing' i should appreciate more...
'thing' they gave me!
the 'THING' that i shouldn't waste it off.

they gave me a "LIFE"
the life that i should appreciate more.
the life that i should learned.
the life that i should colour.
the life that i should make it.....
more meaningful, enjoyable, cheerful, and memorable.

i'm so sorry abah.
i'm so sorry mama.
i'm very sorry kak auni.
n i'm very sorry abang sufi.
i don't meant to let u all down.
i don't meant to disappoint u.
it's all my fault. MY FAULT!
i'm blind in awake.
i'm deaf in listen.
i'm dumb in speak.
i'm heartless in passion.

how i wish that i could started this all over again.
unfortunately,
the mistakes that i've done can't be undone.
same as what i gave...can't took it back.
what i took...i can't return it.

these stuff always make me think.
if i didn't make the mistake...
how could i improve my self
rather than make a reflection on it?

how i wish that i could started this all over again.
sadly,
i just can't.

well, now i'm in dizzy-mumbler-mind mood.
kind of a mind-disease.
lalala~~
one thing i want to do now is....
laugh on my mistakes
and carry on my life
with new direction!

firstly,
i want to apology to those people i've hurt...
i won't do it again.
in case i did,
tell me instantly...
give me a chance to get close to u
and let me know who u really are.

after all...
mistakes are the reason how-who-what we are, right now.

hurm...
enough for now...(i think)
my mind is elsewhere.

by the way...
i just love my self,
i love my beloved family,
and i love my lovely people in "U're In My List"
*wink2*

Refresh The Scar Again

All thru my younger years
I've learnt a thing or two
Never play with hearts you care
Lest they break because of you
Some of us really believe
The rules they don't apply
And every now and then
Some where always makes you cry

Now you can refuse to answer all my calls
And you can pretend to know nothing at all
Maybe you'll smile and say you'll take the chance
To see me now and then
Whatever you do
Please don't put my heart on hold again

Don't be too naive to think
I'll always stay the same
You're gonna have to let me know
If you're still in the game
We've been thru it all before
And lately I've seen change
But baby don't you keep me out
Cos one day you'll be the one without

I need to know just where you stand
Don't want to live life without a plan
Cos I need to know that I can count on the one I love

Now you can refuse to answer all my calls
And you can pretend to know nothing at all
Maybe you'll smile and say you'll take the chance
To see me now and then
Whatever you do
Please don't put my heart on hold again

i wrote this entry just for myself.none of u will truly understand what i meant here, except for those who already knew me.no hurt feeling if u're not understand me well although we've been friends since a long time ago.no offence, be cool.one thing i realize again today, since i've a long conversation with kura2's sista again...all these stuff makes me think again...oh my! long conversation had taught me something that i've forgot before...DO NOT PLAY WITH FEELING!! gerh! recall for something that u've forgot will make ur heart sick...sick of damn thing.although u're already forgot them, but the scar is still there.right in ur heart...they crash u once u remember of it again.do u know tat wen u hurt sum1 tat loves u 4 the way u r..u'll never realize how deep they would suffer just because of u..bloody hell if u say u didn't meant to.trust me...i did it before..and i take the regret for the whole of my life...its already happened n i kept it deep inside my heart.no one should know it,tats my history of life..but, sumtymes u should share it wit sum1 to relive ur feeling..i did! and, the worst thing is...the scar will refresh in ur heart's bath..gerh!! i wan to terminate the scar but i couldn't..i suffered by having the scar..the scar makes remind me of the black tragedy. it's hurt. damn hurt! i talk about it n it crash my heart again n again as my tears will fall again n again...i'm sick talking of this but i couldn't hold my self...the history always haunting me as i live n i can't run from it...i'm afraid i did the history again...i've felt it before n i don't think tat i can hold the burden again...my tears falling again, again, again, n again...sumtymes i wanna run as far i could. i wana go away from my history..GO AWAY!!! ergh!!! how stupid i am remember of this! no one would understand me..NO ONE!! i can't take this again.i should stop! stop from thinking of it.stop from talking about it.it makes me sick..really sick!! as reminder again...i wrote this entry just for myself...no offence.its ur own responsibility if u think i wrote this because of u.i've already mention that I WROTE THIS ENTRY JUST FOR MYSELF.

Don't Read If U're My Friend!

Saya Nak Dia Tahu...
sekarang saya belajar untuk buang perasaan ini....

Saya Nak Dia Tahu...
hati saya terseksa dengan perasaan ini...

Saya Nak Dia Tahu...
tidak patut perasaan ini hadir...

Saya Nak Dia Tahu...
saya tak kan berharap padanya lagi...

Saya Nak Dia Tahu...
saya akan buang dia jauh2 dari hidup saya...

Saya Nak Dia Tahu...
saya tak perlukan dia dalam hidup saya...

Saya Nak Dia Tahu..
saya kesal atas perasaan ini...

Saya Nak Dia Tahu...
saya sedar saya tak layak untuk dia...

Saya Nak Dia Tahu...
air mata ini sudah tiada untuk dia...

Saya Nak Dia Tahu...
akan semua yang saya rasakan sekarang...

kenapa aku buat entri ni...? semua kerana ku ingin kau tahu, diriku di sini menanti dirimu,ku tunggu dirimu walau hingga hujung waktu..(ayat dah skema...).apa yang pasti, meski pun hilangnya dirimu takkan membuat diriku bukan menjadi diriku, namun akan ku cuba menjalani hidup ini seperti biasa. kerana aku tahu, ketiadaan diriku di sisimu masih membolehkan dirimu ceria bersama teman2 mu. bukan kecewa aku dipinggirkan, aku mengerti akan maksud 'jangan mengongkong' kehidupan orang lain..semua orang perlukan privasi dalam kehidupan masing2...termasuk aku, dan kau juga tidak terkecuali.aku mengerti,kawan tidak semestinya harus sentiasa berada di samping kita pada setiap masa.ketidakhadiran mereka di sisi membuatkan kita sedar betapa sayangnya kita pada mereka.sepatutnya keadaan itu kita adaptasikan untuk membina ukhwah yang lebih utuh,teguhkan lagi ikatan hati sesama kita...agar, kekuatan hubungan itu tidak akan goyah dilanda ombak curiga.

ok la....cukupla ayat yang merapu kat atas tu...aku sebenarnya dilanda tsunami jiwa..banyak perkara yang berlaku menyebabkan aku kerap kali berfikir..berfikir tentang hati, belajar memahami perasaan. jangan mudah bertindak tanpa memikirkan kesan akibat perbuatan kita. jangan mudah berkata tanpa memikirkan kesan percakapan kita. jangan mudah mentafsir situasi tanpa menyiasat bukti yang ada di depan mata...

lalala~~

aku merapu lagi..

semestinya aku dalam keadaan emosi yang tidak stabil.

jiwaku huru-hara lagi.

bla..bla..bla..

yada..yada..yada...

that's enough amni.

focus on you study!!!

Don't Easily Judge Book By Its' Cover

benda ni bukan sesaja aku nak post..benda ni pun dah selalu sangat berlaku..it happened everywhere n anytyme. .tp,aku xtau nk kata apa kalau kawan sendiri yg buat macam tu... "don't easily judge me ,dear."  aku bukan cakap ko benda yg xbaik...aku bukan nk cakap ko selalu nk menang dalam apa2 situasi...aku ckp benda tu sbb aku tau pendapat ko xsalah.n aku xda sebab nk komen pendapat ko lg...bukan nk bg jawapn selamat pa lg nk berlagak mulia..sebab aku sedar siapa diri aku yg sebenar...n aku ingat, ko dah faham perangai aku. aku sayang ko n aku xkn buat bnda yg ble buat ko marah o sakit hati..i'm not tipically budak B yg ko btau aku td...sbb aku xpenah nk anggap ko selalu nak menang dalam apa2 situasi pun..aku xpernah nk pikir mcm tu...even td pn aku dah tekejut ko bandingkan aku ngn budak B yg memang xpenah try kenal ko lebih dalam...dorg lebih suka mengkritik guna mulut tp xpenah nk guna akal...aku bukan macam tu..aku bukan jenis yg suka mgkritik xtentu hala...kritik org mcm aku ni sempurna..no! i never thought of it. aku tau mcm mn rasanya dikritik membabi buta ole org yg langsung xpenah cuba nk kenal aku...aku tau mcm mn perasaan tu..aku dah kena yg lebih teruk dari tu sebelum ni...org suka hati nk kritik aku, label aku yg bukan2, cakap yg ntah apa2 sal aku...aku dah rasa suma tu...tolonglah..aku sedih bila ko banding aku ngan budak2 B td...bukan nk tunjuk baik tp itu yg aku rasa....aku xpenah tepikir nk buat ko sakit ati..apa lg nk labelkn ko as 'selalu nk menang'...aku betul2 sedih bila ko cakap aku macam tu..=____="

hurm..xkisahla...kalau ko nak marah aku sal tu aku xdpt nk buat apa2...tepulang la ngan ko..4sure, aku benci bila ko banding aku ngan budak2 B yg xda akal n tipikal macam yg ko cakap.

the end!

mood: xbaik lg untuk kali ke-2... @.@'

Cry Till Heart Out =.="

sometimes...

when i say,

"oh! i'm fine"

i want someone to look me into my eyes and says,

"tell me the truth"

hehe..nice right? very sweet when my Mr, Right says it to me....huargh!!! i feel like i'm in the air...lol...crab! 4get it...ngee..i took those words from my friend, wana, she is one of my senior here...maybe she's from same village with me oso..hehe...i took that words just for fun okay, no more than that... don't think creepy k. hee...n sumtink tat i wana share with u ol....sumtym we hv to b matured early rather than our age...hoho...well now people said, "zaman dah berubah, dah masuk zaman 'semua di hujung jari', pandai2 la bawa diri, n pikir sendiri apa yg patut n apa yg x patut"....dalam betul maksud ayat ni...indeed! susah nak paham kalau setakat baca gitu2 ja...instead, still not reach my level of XP yet..but, can try to understand it although not very well.anyhow, life still have to live. wat i wana said here is when i read coklat entry..sumtink about LIFE n NATURE, ..(hoho..korang takyah la tau sal entry dia tu... high level punya bahasa.. kekeke...) i felt very mess in mind. the entry had very indeed deep meaning. sumtink tat u can understand when u felt it urself. or if u have very HIGH empathy sure u will understand coklat's feeling..( i'd have to admit that my empathy not outstanding as a Ph.D psychobiology grduated but i can understand coklat's feeling..( bukanla semua yg dia rasa a..ada sumtink yg aku kdg2 xdpt nak empati dia. dia dah banyak pengalaman sal perasaan ni..aku masih belajar lg..hehe...but, 4sure everyone has no enough knowledge as they live..tats the fact. u stil have to learn more n more...ergh!! lalala~ sharing with u owez makes me think..deep think coklat..huh! owez b like tat. hoho..rasanya aku da terselalu sangat pikir pasal kehidupan..lalala~ tapi masi banyak lg yg aku belum paham..aiyoo kadang2 aku pun pening..sumanya becampur..nilah la masanya utk generasi aku..(cet3....) berubah ke arah hidup yg lebih dewasa...hoho...pa2 hal pun, mix wit person/people wil make u think a lot..very!

i think its enough 4 now...feel hungry pula..hoho..tp, kak NAGA suh aku jaga makanan...hoho..sangat menakutkan bila dia dah pandang aku bila aku cakap aku nak makan (ikut 'certain tyme' la..hik3..) btw, life must b go on..hoho.... chill~ (^^,)v

Just Shut Up and Think!!

"Amni, just shut your mouth and think what u've had done."

my mind just keep playing these words again and again until i felt i wana vomit but i can't. after having hot conversation with coklat, n sharing of experiences n thought with group of BIG sisters, i found that i miss u badly. now i realize...(baru mau sedar..puih! pa punya org) i'm an egoist person. i duno how to show u my love towards u.  how stupid i am.. n coz of this, i can't think of any else that i should. everything gone crazy. my head full of mess. sumtink that i shouldn't do now. everything looks CRAZY!!! sorry 4 being a selfish person to u. i don't know how to treat u as well as u should. sorry, although u're already told me that u love me, but i still hurt ur feeling. so sorry. i didn't mean to.. coklat n BIG sisters had taught me sumtink today... sumtin' tat i can't express wit words but can only understand wit heart.. i thank u for the love that u always give me, i confuse wit my feeling now. i shouldn't do tat to u..i'm not fair wit u. oh!please la my heart...a person that already love u for the way u are is already there. right beside u, but u still didn't noticed the person... wathefish o u amni!!

its done. im already sick of myself..coklat makes me realized how bad i am towards u..u're one of my fren, special fren.very special one in my heart.but i treat u like no one...i know u're disappointed wit me...i know that... i'm truly sorry...i feel like my nerve wana talk to u every second n every breathe i did. indeed! i remember all of the moments that we've shared till i cried... i miss u badly... now i realized, i don't need any guy to cheer me up like b4. i don't need them...everything gona b fine if i don't burdening my heart n feeling n mind with these stuff... 

but, first of all... i can't refused my heart to like anyone... i am so sorry... it's my intuition to like anyone i like..i'm a human being dear...i can't refused. sometimes i just wan u to b here right beside me so that i can c u, talk to u, hear ur voice, c ur smile, c u laugh, n c u sing 4 me...i really missed u... i missed u till i cried dear... u never know that... many times dear... i cried till heart out.. but no one knows it. i kept it in the deepest bath in my heart.. sometimes i can't think of anything just bcoz of u... u're so far away from me dear... we haven't contact for a long tym.. i missed u already.. i missed u. wish u were here in front of me so that i can feel ur warm.. i missed to look on ur eyes...it show me sumtink that i like about u... sumtink that i can't c on your appearance.

n now i duno wat shud i say here...i still can't figure out my feeling now...mess is everywhere in my head...will crack if i didn't cool it down instantly... well i think before i write 'rubbish' here..better i stop to write...

last words...

I MISS N LOVE U FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE.

lots of love,

amni.

Magic Word...

kinda weird when i think of someone that i never know. yeah! i know that. i know that u sick to read this entry, well...it's my pleasure if u leave my blog now! gerh!! back to my entry, i miss a strange person. not my friends or family. just an ordinary person. i met this person when i was 18. yeah! 18, means it's recently happened. i don't know if this is my first 'like' sight. like okay! not love. love doesn't exist in my heart except for my beloved friends and lovely family..so far, i don't have that feeling now.. i mean, i don't feel the true love inside me. maybe it's not the right time for me to have the feeling yet. and i have no objection with that... i know everything that happened in my life have something good behind. soon or later i will know what's the reasons it's happened. pufffh!! wth la...i write in English but my English is broken...lol. i don't care leh, as long i can write what i want here...blol. for u, someone that i never know... i like u when first i saw u there. walking and talking with your friend. i can feel that my heart beating abnormally. is that just a like feeling or love feeling...waaa..soo irony oo..lol.

huargh!!! i miss u suddenly. in a crowd, i saw u in front of me. i saw u talking to your friend. u're too busy with your friend and u never noticed that someone is staring at u. what a sick when looking for someone that u like but the person doesn't realized it at all... anyhow, just stay happy and continue your life as usual...well, then...i think i have to stop thinking of u now. i need to focus on my study back. by the way...it's nice to see u again.. here..in my life :)

I'm Happy When You Happy ^O^

i'm happy when i see u happy... i don't know if u know that, but i'm happy when u are. i feel great when i know u are fine and healthy. thats will be enough for me to know your condition. as long as i can get you, i don't mind if you called me a stalker..i love you and i really meant it.. i don't care if you don't even care about me, for sure... i care of you. indeed! i don't care if you just looking for me when your're not in good condition. i don't care if i'm just a place for you to express your sad, place for you to cry till heart out, i don't care at all...thats because i love you and i do care of you every single thing that happened to you...i don't care if you never realized it. i'm glad being part of you... u never know how deep my love for you, you never noticed that. you just knew that i'm your friend. by the way, i wanna thank to you 'cause you ever came to my life even just for a while. i really appreciated it. you make me happy in second. ^_^ thank you dear. i love you damn much. i wish that you'll happy with your friends now. and i wanna say that, whatever happened to you, i'm always be there for you.

A little love - Fiona Fung

greatness as you

smallest as me

you show me what is deep as sea

a little love, little kiss

a little hug, little gift

all of little something these are our memories

you ... make me cry

make me smile

make me feel that love is true

you always stand by my side

i don't want to say goodbye

you... make me cry

make me smile

make me feel the joy of love

oh kissing you

thank you for all the love you always give to me

oh i love you..

greatness as you

smallest as me

you show me what is deep as sea

a little love, little kiss

a litlle hug, little gift

all of little something these are our memories

you ... make me cry

make me smile

make me feel that love is true

you always stand by my side

i don't want to say goodbye

you ... make me cry

make me smile

make me feel the joy of love

oh kissing you

thank you for all the love you always give to me

oh i love you....

yes i do...

i always do...

make me cry

make me smile

make me feel that love is true

you always stand by my side

i don't want to say goodbye

you ... make me cry

make me smile

make me feel the joy of love

oh kissing you

thank you for all the love you always give to me

oh i love you...

to be with you...

oh i love...  you...

*and for those i already loved, i would like to thank you all 'cause you let me for being part of your life.thank you for your trusted on me, i'm really appreciate it. and for my friends and my sisters+friends, i admit that i also in mess and "jiwa kacau" now...but, i need your presence in my life as usual as we always do. i need you to share our feelings, laugh together, sharing conversation, sing together, and the most important is... we share our feeling for good. thank you very much. coklat, short conversation with you just now make me think deep. i can't think of the solution yet but i still in progress to understand my needs and whats good for me. thanx again, coklat. sometimes we seem can understand each other and i can't refused the fact that i do also love you.*

+______+

yeah, i started my day badly. pergh! i don't like that.everything gone crazy for me. i dunno what should i do to make it better. i have nothing to say. sounds bad for me. i don't like this!! urgh! i need something to make me busy. else, i'll think of something that make my head CRACK. honestly, my mood to start my study had come but my roommate strolling and i dunno what task that our lecturer had given to us. huhu... and sadly, i feel awkward to speak in English again..dush! bad news! well, i think it's my time to study this language again. huhu... badly i can't study now.. wuwuwuwu... hurm, honestly my dictionary rusak already. can't write in English as usual. hoho...bad girl oh me...huhuhu..

argh! peduli...who cares?? nobody! hahaha....hurm, sebenarnya aku rindu ngan 'dia'...after lama xjumpa ngan dia,akhirnya kami kuar date utk kali pertama..huhu..sedih2...pas ni xdapat jumpa 'dia' g sebab dia ada urusan negara yg perlu ditunaikan..huargh!!!! will miss u dear...huhu..baru jugak lepas rindu ngan begaduh ma dia ari ahad tu..huhu.*peduli la dia..sapa suruh jahat.. +_+* hurm..n skang ni aku betul2 rindu ngan dia. rindu mau makan ngan dia, rindu mau tgk wayang ngan dia, rindu mau nyanyi ngan dia, rindu mau mengumpat ma dia.. (haha...yg ni menambah jak.. ;p)  n yg paling rindu...rindu mau cakap ngan dia.. T_T* lalala...apa pun, hidup perlu diteruskan ngan happy-go-lucky jangan cari laki..haha...erm, aku mau teruskan study aku yg tergendala semata-mata mau lepas rindu kat sini..hik3... ^__^ well, tats ol 4 now...later-later i write lg k..hee... tata...
^________^