Not Myself Tonight

back to me again... [irony for the title]

actually, tonight is our Festival Kesenian Islam (FKI) peringkat IPG and we were supposed to prepare for our exhibition part in this FKI. since early in the MORNING, i never felt ease for my self. NEVER! i'm waiting for no one but SOMEONE. sadly, 'the person' don't show up. haha... SO pathetic!

[i'm trying to express what inside me in Malay because Mr. Rindu always asked me to write my post in Malay...

will try after this but i'm really bad in expressing my feeling in Malay... we'll see about that. should start from now.. please beware of me.]

okey, honestly [=.=! english come again!] jujur aku cakap, hari ini memang hari yang not very good for me sangat tidak baik untuk aku. start from first lecture bermula sejak kuliah pertama lagi mood dah x okey. even sedangkan Mr. Aril sendiri cakap yang mood aku memang x baik hari ni. haha... indeed! sangat! honestly that's the point memang itu la tu. mood sangat TIDAK baik! even i'm trying to forget my mood still i can't walaupun aku cuba untuk menyibukkan dan melemaskan diri tapi masih juga x dapat nak buat x tau ngan mood aku hari ni. adoi! xdapat nak enjoy the class bergembira dengan kelas hari ni. what a waste, amni! sangat rugi, amni! ok fine! ok, walau apa pun, aku cuba juga untuk "hadir" dalam kelas tu untuk belajar tapi susah nak buat. aku cuma nak tido je lepas kelas ni. aku nak rehat puas-puas petang ni tapi petang ni 3-4petang ada kelas ngan mommy pulak... doiyai! sangat LEMAS! ok, for the second time i force myself to stay in the class untuk kali kedua, aku cuba jugak untuk "hadir"dalam kelas walaupun otak ni dah belari pegi bilik cari katil. (=_=')

ok..done with morning story cukup dengan cerita pagi dan petang. next kita pegi ke cerita malam pula.

preparation persediaan utk FKI petang tu xla banyak sangat, tp penat sikit sebab nak bejalan ulang alik dr dewan p bilik, dr bilik p dewan..hoho.. [perh! banyak pulak nak ngomel..orang lain yang x tido sebab nak ensure pastikan FKI tu bejalan lancar pun diam2 je.. astaghfirullah. muhasabah diri la amni. =.=" ] for sure yang pasti semua persediaan untuk FKI ni xla membebankan pun.. sebab kalau nak diikutkan aku sendiri yang volunteer nak buat keje2 tu. jd, diamkan jela benda tu ye cik amni. =) well, jadi, nak story cerita la jgak sikit sal FKI ni... at the beginning mula2 tu everything just fine semuanya ok ja, tapi sumenya berubah bila kepala aku tekena kejutan [ada peristiwa pengeboman pearl harbour berlaku di otak.. =( ] since sejak tu la konsentrasi aku mula terjejas. xdapat nak think pikir ngan baik sbb sakit otak tu berdenyut-denyut. niat nk tolong kawan pun xbrapa nak jadi. alhamdulillah jugak sbb sakit tu x sesakit yang perlu aku tanggung sebelum ni.  kalau nak diberi skala, rasa sakit masa FKI tu dalam skala 4/10..still masih boleh nak begerak dan senyum ngan orang lain walaupun  senyuman tu x asli sangat. kepada yang terkena senyuman aku tu, aku betul2 mintak maaf. sorry for that. my bad! xde niat nak buat korang rasa korang ada buat salah ngan aku ataupun aku ni sombong ngan korang. minta maaf sangat2.

lepas je abis FKI tu aku terus balik. otak aku betul2 x dapat nak tahan. bila2 masa aku bole collapse rebah tadi. memang dah nekad td nak balik awal walaupun serba salah sbb x tolong dorang kemas dewan selepas majlis ni. maaf sahabat2... tidak bermaksud nak membebankan anda. sampai je kat bilik aku trus p tandas nk cuci muka sbb aku dah xtahan sangat2. adoi! sangat sakit otak aku semalam. macam nk pecah je aku rasa. denyutan tu yang payah nak kawal. berdenyut dan menyebabkan mata  dan telinga aku sangat lembab malam ni.ok, pas da balik bilik tu.. aku just bersedia untuk tido je.. xtau nak buat macam mana nk kaver sakit tu. sangat sakit. walaupun baru skala 4, aku rasa benda tu dah meletupkan otak aku sekejap.. huhu... but, for sure i'm waiting for "someone" last night. but, that person doesn't show up. tapi, yang pasti, aku tengah tunggu "seseorang" tu tp dia x show up muncul pla..[ tolong la amni, ko tunggu "orang tu" kat mana?? kat bilik!! buat  apa dia nak datang g bilik ko malam2 buta? pikirla~] huhuhu

apa pun, aku harap sangat apa yang jadi lepas tu xda yang menyinggung hati sesiapa..huhu.. bah oklah kalau gitu.. aku berinut dulu lah... mau rest rehat..sakit otak ni da berterusan sejak tadi..kalau esok masih sakit g aku xtau la..huhu...okai! da~da~..

see u in the next post!

My "little girl's" birthday

yesterday was my 'little girl' birthday...

i'm sorry for my health doesn't allowed me to accompany you, dear.

for sure,

you did have a great time with kakak Tomey @Pizza Hut yesterday.

kan~~~? =)

i'm sure you did a great time together.

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last night your little sisters also celebrated your birthday, right?

hope you enjoy the moment with them.

i know you never wanted them to celebrate your birthday

because you don't wanted to feel the emptiness in your heart

 i believed the hole in your heart is still there

and you don't want anything to fill in

but amni... you have to move on.

seriously,

YOU HAVE TO MOVE ON.

huh!

it's not EASY!

READ MY WORDS!

IT IS NOT EASY!

I Miss 'you'.

it has been two years...

i miss the moments where 'you' called and talked to me.

when 'you' were gone

i wonder...

where i can find a person such A lovely person like 'you'.

i'm losing 'you' slowly dear.

i'm afraid if i could not find 'you' in my memories anymore.

i always find something that could remain my mind to you..

yes! i did find 'something'...

your phone!

and...

one thing.

i always saw "your eyes" looking at me.

it makes  'you'  alive and i wanted "your eyes" to remain looking at me.

i miss  'you'  badly, dear sister.

i miss 'you'.

i wanted "your hugs" for my birthday... today.

Happy Birthday Little Girl... =)

as i expected,

my little watchy will come to me today.

check tis out! ^^

then i went to HEP

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taraaa~~~

i got this

hee

a little watch for my "little girl"

this "watchy" i bought special for you

little girl

i hope you like it.

i know you wanted something for your pleasure.

i know what you have lost in your past

and this little gift

is something i get

to fill you with little joy and happy in this life

hope you would like it.

hey girl...

did you notice that?

it is pink in colour.

that's your beloved sister's fav colour right?

well, i hope this will strengthen your memory towards her.

please be happy k.

i wanted to see your smile again.

the pure smile that you have been hiding this 2 years.

be happy "little girl".

i mean it.

i love you so much.

take good care of yourself.

and...

please be happy.

This Is A WRATH!!!

It has been a long time since my last post.

I don’t know what should i post here ever since there is a lot of things happened to me.

My heart is changed, literary, and i’m afraid if the changes were not the good one.

I did realized something (or i pretend i don’t) that i haven’t contact anyone that i used to just like what i did before. Unsurprisingly, i don’t think it is big news.

That’s normal because sometime “some people” need time for themselves. So do i.

My apology if “the person” thinks i haven’t contact “you” for a long time but it’s not a big deal for “you” right?

“you” still have someone who you can text too.

You don’t need MY TEXT for your pleasure.

Sorry if i’m a bit rough to “you”. ”you” just told me that i didn’t “speak to” “you” either.

I thought “you” knew “my Level” in “YOUR HEART”... i am nobody of “yours” so i don’t think that is important.

so let us be clear here, and don’t misunderstand me.

Before i forget, this month things that happened had maddening me.

Start from the group work, unexpected program; work in class also the relationship. Very frustrated! I don’t know what too do. Damn! These things make me infuriate.

Now, i have no mood to go home! It surprised me a lot. I’m excited when it comes to weekend because i wanted to go home badly.

I miss my mama, my abah and my boo. More importantly i miss my mama’s cook and i want to spend time with her again.

Sadly, everything was ruined by that stupid “THINGIES”...

If you want to help someone,

MAKE SURE YOU ARE HELPING!

DON’T MAKE THING WORST!!

I really can’t hold myself if I HAVE TO DO “THAT THINGY” TWICE!

THAT’S NOT MY TYPE, OKAY!! FOR “THAT PERSONTHING” ... GO FIND NEW PLACE!

One more thing, NEVER PLAY WITH FOOD!

Honestly, i hate people who “play” with food. It’s not like you make the food as a toy, NO! 

It’s when you’re eating the food and then you’re full you just passed around the food to someone else, and the person you passed the food to also full, and he/she did the same as you did to another person and the same thing happen.

Why don’t you just finish the food without questioning?? Is it hard for you?? Come on people.

Don’t waste food!

You KNEW that already.

Okay! HAVE no mood to continue. See you at another post.